Deconstructing An Addict - Part 2: Battle Fatigue

I'm tired of the fighting. He's tired of the fighting.

Deconstructing An Addict - Part 1: Boot Camp

I have titled this blog Deconstructing An Addict - Part 1: Boot Camp.

In a move very unlike me, I have no idea how many parts there are or what Part 2 is or when I will write it. Look at me! I'm letting go of my control issues! :)

On to the post...
My husband and I will periodically make a comment that he is "broken".

Great Article

Here is a great article. Read it here.

Absence

I haven't posted in awhile. For multiple reasons I guess. I've had company in my home and my days are busier, but it's also been a little because I haven't felt like it. Life is better in some ways, which has reduced my need for my online community of sisters, but I also felt a little distanced from that same community. Some minor things happened which highlighted that my situation is different from most wives in our world. Yes, I know we all have our own stories, but I've never read anything close to my particular circumstances. Now, in some ways my circumstances are better, so I'm not complaining about that, I just don't seem to really connect with any of the stories I read. There are similarities of course.

Anyway, I wanted to share some things that have helped me. I just finished and then started again a great book called, "Dr. Bridell's Logical and Rational & Poetic and Beautiful Completely Guaranteed Eat-Half Diet for All Your Appetites".  It is amazing. It has nothing to do with pornography addiction, but he mentions addiction once or twice.

As wives of addicts we are caretakers. Many of us are mothers. These things usually result in us not taking very good care of ourselves. This book provides a simple pattern for how you can do that.

I also just started Brad Wilcox's new book, "The 7-Day Christian". I've read the forward and the first chapter and I love it. Again, simple concepts that strike deeply. Most of us have struggled with a crisis of faith at some point in our lives. So far, this book give you some thoughts about how to deal with that.  Again, I'm only one chapter in....  but I love Brad Wilcox.

I hope your summer is going well sisters.
Much love,
Patience

Faith in the Small Things

I had lunch with my best girlfriend a few days ago. Our lives are actually on very similar paths.  I was murmuring to her about some of my day to day issues and we ate and chatted for an hour. Towards the end we got to talking about my family. My family seems to be often greatly affected by the death of a loved one, particularly my Dad. I was telling my friend how, while I don't like to be surprised by death, I seem to handle it better than the rest of my family. I think they all believe in Heaven and an afterlife of some sort, but it's kind of fuzzy to them. Since I have the Gospel in my life, I have a much better understanding of what is to come and death doesn't scare me. I actually look forward to it in a healthy way.

I was telling my friend this and then I epiph'ed....(I know that's not a word, but I like it!).  After murmuring about daily life for an hour or so, and then having this conversation about death, I looked at her and said, "Wow, I seem to have faith in the big things, but not the little things..."  I would like to ponder on this new understanding of myself for a bit and see what I can learn from it.

I know I get too stressed out about the little things in life and even the moderate things in life. I need to remember that everything is in Heavenly Father's hands. My husband's addiction, my family who I don't get to see and help take care of on a regular basis, the sunshine or rain on my garden - all of it is given its due attention and care, but also its due weight. Sometimes I weight things more heavily than they deserve.

One of my favorite scriptures for perspective is, "...it mattereth not...". This appears a few times in Doctrine and Covenants and shows that sometimes we are over-thinking things that just don't matter in the long run.

So I will try to find that balance of having faith in the little things that matter, and letting things that don't matter take care of themselves.

Full Circle

My husband and I went to an LDS Addiction Recovery group a couple weeks ago.

Seminar Friday May 16th

This Friday, May 16th Addo Recovery will hold a webinar educating about the trauma of spouses and loved ones.  

Register Here