There is a group of women who often suffer in silence. We are women whose husbands are caught in the snare of pornography.
This is a place of help, of hope, of strength.
This blog is written with the assumption that you have chosen to fight for your husband, your marriage, and your family.
The things posted here will be in the form of encouragement and help to do just that.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

In the Eye of the Storm - Part 2: Becoming a Peripheral Visionary

I’ve been really angry a lot lately.

I have promised my husband to not get mad when he "stumbles" and I think for the most part, I have done really well. Somehow I have been blessed in this way. I'm not even entirely sure why, but I'll take it.  

For the last several months
I've found myself quite frustrated with a lot of things and being angry with him a lot. I was getting mad about the trash not being taken out and things like that. For most of last year, we didn’t even really talk about the addiction. We had a pretty major life change that affected our day to day lives and it was too much for me to bear on top of everything else.

My husband has been so weakened by his choices that he is unable to preside in our home. He is unable to share with me the responsibilities of home and family. He is afraid of confrontation, he thinking is muddy, and he wants to avoid anything that causes stress. He had been really focused on his addiction and how that is controlling his life and I had the thought come back to me over and over and the addiction was not what we needed to focus on.

I felt strongly that we needed to focus on the other things in his life. Instead of trying to remove his crutch, we needed to build him up in other areas so that the crutch might not seem so important anymore.  I brought this up several times over the course of several months and he needed to get comfortable with the idea of changing his behavior and letting me lead him in some new directions.

I finally had to reach the point of near meltdown before he realized that something needed to change. But we also both know that he cannot make these changes for ME. He has to want to make changes in his life or they won’t work and they won't last.

We sat down and had a simple list of areas in his life that he could choose to do things differently. They include: getting to work on time, being committed to his calling, reading something spiritual every day, meeting with the bishop once a month, taking care of a small part of the finances on his own, sleep, exercise, keep a "to do" list where I can see it so I know what he’s aware of vs what he’s forgotten or is avoiding.

It’s been a couple of weeks now and I am much more at peace. His change in attitude has meant everything to me.  I'm still finding moments of frustration, but they are not as focused on him as they used to be. I'm grateful for his efforts and his humble attitude. He is making minor progress on the things we discussed, and I'll take it! 

Next Time: Part 3 - Cow

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