Pooh said it best, "think, think, think..."
I am a thinker. It's a blessing and a curse. I can logic my way to the bottom of most conundrums and I can change up a recipe when I don't have all the ingredients, and I can perfect our timeline for the day without too much effort.
But some things don't have an answer. Some things are inexplicable, confusing, unfair, illogical!!
I hate feeling stymied by things that I can't figure out. And my brain will toil and churn for hours. This is most frustrating when I am trying to sleep and it is distracting when I'm trying to work or otherwise, you know, live my life.
I have particular anger issues. If my brain finds a free moment, it will take the next exit and I'm suddenly stewing over something, usually with my husband's ex-wife or with his kids, or thankfully less often, him. But I sometimes feel like my anger is a heat-seeking missile looking for it's next target.
I don't want to be that person. I'm trying to be better at quickly saying a prayer, "Please take this anger from me." It's actually working pretty well, but it made me think that I need to stockpile my brain for such times. I need to fill the vacuum with good things so my brain overfloweth.
I'm trying to read more books, listen to more talks, think more positive thoughts in general so that when I don't have something to focus on like work or my calling or making dinner or whatever, my brain has some good source material to ponder on.
In the addict relationship, we are all targets. Satan is trying to pick us off one by one. And he's pretty good at knowing our weaknesses. He knew how to tempt our husbands early on and he knows what will make us weak and pained. He knows just what to place in our path to make us trip. He can put thoughts in our heads, but that's the limit of his power. We have been told that we are more powerful than he is, so let us build our arsenal of weapons. We are after all, in the Army of God. This isn't for sissies.
So I will keep reading, keep studying, keep praying - not because it's the right thing to do - but because I need to in order to survive the battles and win the war! I will not let my brain be a black hole that will suck in random thoughts from questionable sources. I will fill it with good things to rest upon, to nourish and comfort my weary, yet manic brain.