I have read some blogs or forum posts recently where women are considering divorce. I know that every situation is unique and each woman must weigh her specific situation and work with her spiritual leaders, and most importantly, follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
What I would like to say today, on this day after Easter, is that everyone has their own trials. Divorce may solve some problems or you may feel that it will set you free, but chances are that it won't really. My husband's divorce lawyer said that "marriage ends, but divorce is forever." That decision will have consequences and fallout and will leave a scar. If you have children, there will always be a connection with your husband.
This Holy Week I have pondered what our Savior endured and took on for us. As I have quiet talks with friends, it becomes clear that each of us has our own things to deal with and walk through. My husband felt weighed down last week by his trials and I said, if it wasn't this, it would be something else. Would you trade your situation for cancer or for the loss of a parent when you were a child? Would you prefer to be living in Syria?
It is so easy to feel the weight of our personal trials and wish them away thinking that THEN all would be well and we'd be happy. It doesn't work that way. The trials we are given, even if we brought them on ourselves, are still for our good if we will let them be. It's tempting to shut down or walk away, but what good does that really do? It's like that 10 pounds I keep lugging around. I try and can't seem to shake them. (What is it about being over 40?!?!) But if I give up my fight, I will never win, so I need to keep trying to put down the cookie or step on the treadmill.
My biggest fear has always been making the wrong choice. I don't want that choice to be giving up when I should have endured. I know that I am being taught to have more faith. It is hard for me because I'm a control freak. I have faith in the long term, but trying to have faith while staring down the issues of today is very hard for me.
So I will try to put down the cookie and I will try to not worry so about the mundane things of today. I will try to understand that everyone is at their own place on the path and it's not for me to chastise them for being too slow, and that includes myself.
I will try to keep focusing on the day when the stone will be rolled away for me and I will be able to look back at my life, in the blink of an eye, and know that I did all that I could. I must keep my hope.