There is a group of women who often suffer in silence. We are women whose husbands are caught in the snare of pornography.
This is a place of help, of hope, of strength.
This blog is written with the assumption that you have chosen to fight for your husband, your marriage, and your family.
The things posted here will be in the form of encouragement and help to do just that.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Being a Caregiver

Do you know that you are a full time caregiver?
I recently read some things that have to do with autism, but we need to realize that we, as the wives of these men who are damaged and suffering, we are all caregivers.

That realization helped me to see myself, my role, my work here on Earth in a different way. The following pictures were posted by a mother of an autistic son. It seems like maybe as women, our instincts to be "Mama Bear" are stronger for our children than for our husbands. And in an ideal situation, we would be equally yoked and that would be possible, but we have been instructed to put our husbands before our children. And sisters, for us, it is urgent that we give our husbands the same care that we would and do give our children. What if our husband had a stroke? Would we not do everything in our power to care for him and nurture him? We might have to help him learn to eat, speak and walk; just like you would for a child.

It did occur to me several months ago that in a way, I am caring for my husband the way I would care for a special needs child or a husband with an illness or injury. It's painful and maybe even be interpreted as condescending to think that way, but for me, it gave me a different perspective. 

We are the keepers of the passwords, the watchmen of the home-front, the standard bearer of the battles. 

We deal with the inconvenience of having to stop what we're doing to log him in to the computer, or we rearrange our plans in order to be in the same room during his usage time. But wouldn't you do similar things for a sick child? If your child were diabetic, you would sleep on his floor, or go to her school every day at lunchtime to give her insulin. You do what you need to do, because it is your work here to do.

Sometimes it's hard to feel that same caring when we think that our husbands brought this on themselves. I recently saw a story about military children who are dealing with depression and rage because their fathers are coming home with physical and emotional wounds and they are not the same person they were before they went to war. I have a relative in this situation. I also know a man who was in a car accident that damaged his brain and he has anger issues. Do we blame these men for joining the Army or driving too fast?

No. We feel for them. We empathize with them. We love them.

That is what we are called to do, dear sisters. We are called to serve in a special way. We were prepared for this. And if we let ourselves, we will learn the exact lessons that are put before us to bring us nearer to perfection.

There are two kinds of sinners in the world, the strong who sin in less serious ways and the weak who sin in more serious ways. The challenge for the weak is to stop sinning, to keep trying to improve and not listen to the voices of Satan and any others who tell them they will never succeed and they should just give up. The challenge for the strong is to be forgiving and merciful and kind to those who are weak and try to lead them back home. 

That is your most important job. Your husband is also worth every effort, just as your child is. I read a great comment from Autism-mom recently, "What I want to do is build in some kind of regular positive reinforcement and feedback system for him to see how far he has come without letting go of the fact that there is still work to do."

We are constantly balancing the need to care for our husbands while also expecting him and helping him to be the one who presides in our homes honorably. It is not easy. But it will be worth it.

You are a caregiver, you are a nurturer, you are - a wife. 

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