There is a group of women who often suffer in silence. We are women whose husbands are caught in the snare of pornography.
This is a place of help, of hope, of strength.
This blog is written with the assumption that you have chosen to fight for your husband, your marriage, and your family.
The things posted here will be in the form of encouragement and help to do just that.

Monday, March 17, 2014

To Thine Own Self Be True – Part 2: In the beginning…

In Part 1, Trials and Talents, we talked about the overall plan. Now let's get down to some details.

Ponder and think about your childhood, teens and early adult life. 
What were your hopes, dreams and fears?
Do you have old journals to review?
How did you think? What was important to you?
What spiritual promptings or confirmations do you remember?
What things have you thought about yourself during your life?
What are your greatest strengths?
What are your greatest weaknesses?

I’ve recently been re-reading some very old journals and it’s kind of funny to see how different I was - and how similar – to who I am now.

I am able to read my words and see that I have always been highly emotional and strongly affected and driven by my feelings. It is is an enlightening thing to me to read those pages this week and then realize that in the last few months I have been specifically praying to not let my emotions rule me. Seeing my defaults and learning how I need to course correct is critical to me right now.  

I can remember that as a child I was obedient. I liked pleasing people by doing what was asked of me, whether it was parents or teachers. Even as a child I remember thinking, “well, if I live my life the way God wants me to, I’ll probably be happier in the end.” I can look back on those thoughts and feelings and realize that obedience is all that Heavenly Father has ever asked of us. So that is a part of my personality that can help me on my journey and I can see that I need to strengthen it.

What about your childhood was painful? We may have experiences or hurts from childhood that affect how we deal with things today. Have you faced these things and worked through them? Do you see how they affect you now so you can be aware of your reactions to things? You cannot dump past issues together with present issues and let them become one and the same, especially if that results in adding extra accountability or blame to your husband which is unfair.

Your husband’s issues are unique and not something else to pile on to existing issues in your life. It’s not healthy for you, and it’s not fair to him.

Lately I have had the scripture phrase “one eternal round” in my head a lot. I really am feeling like life is not as linear as we think. The past is not so far away, and neither is the future. Things and people from the past are always a part of us and they will be brought back to our awareness again in the course of our days either here or there. Be aware of things in your past that can hurt you or even help you find some strength and some talents that you might have forgotten about.

What compliments do you remember getting as a child? Did someone say, “You are a smart girl!” and that helped you to do better at school? What motivated you?

Did you have quiet moments of prayer or communion with your Heavenly Father that you can recall now and pull comfort from?

If you have strengths and good memories, dust them off and let them be a part of your life now. If you have pains or unsettled issues, maybe it’s time to work through them.

I recently read that we are 50% our inherent personalities that we were in the pre-existence, 25% environment (the time and place we were born) and 25% parental influence. I don’t know how true it is, but it got me thinking about who each of us really are and why we make the choices we do.

Know where you came from. Examine your past to help make sense of your present. Cling to your strengths and work through your weaknesses.

Next time... Part 3: The Daily Grind

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