The other day, my husband lamented our aging. I said, "It just doesn't bother me because I'm always looking forward, I want what the future will bring."
In the analysis of my life, I can sometimes wonder, "How did I get here?". But when I really think about it, I can see exactly how I got here. And I wouldn't change a thing. Truly, even the hard things have helped me to grow and I wouldn't change that. I am not choosing to avoid the thorns and rocks that I can see ahead of me. I welcome them if they will get me where I want to be. Some bumps, bruises and scratches are worth it in the end.
I am a perfectionist. This is a strength and a weakness. I can demand too much of myself and others on my quest for perfection. And yet we are commanded to be perfect. So I have spent many years in contemplation about this. Why am I so grieved at the lack of perfection around me which is commanded of us in the first place?? Why can’t everyone else be trying to be perfect too???? I have had to realize that I have different gifts and talents than those around me. I see things differently. I have a hyper-awareness of all that needs to be done in daily life. Does that make me a better or more worthy person? Of course not! My husband and I joke that I need to use my powers for good. How can my gifts make our lives better rather than making me miserable, which in turn will make everyone else miserable?
Maybe my awareness can be used to see what the people around me need, rather than just what needs to be done around the house. Maybe that crumb on the counter isn’t nearly as important as the cruel comment said at school that day or the feeling of failure on that project at work – neither of which is visible to the naked eye.
My strengths should complement the weaknesses of those around me and vice versa. Where am I going? I am going home. And I do not want to be disappointed in my performance on Earth when I get there. I want to experience everything that Heavenly Father has in store for me. The trials and the blessings, the joy and the heartache; and I want to utilized and grow every talent and skill he has given me to their fullest extent. There are many wonderful destinations available at the end of our maps, but to get to the top of the mountain, we need to be following our map, in perfect detail.
Please make sure you spend time in thought, prayer, reading, contemplation, etc so that you can truly know who you are, why you are where you are now, and who you want to be. I am just as accountable to Heavenly Father for my decisions as my husband is. I cannot stand before the Almighty and say, "Well… but he did this!!". I believe he will gently and lovingly redirect me and say, "Yes, I know exactly what he did. Tell me, what did you do?"
"When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would have not a single bit of talent left and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"