Deconstructing An Addict - Part 2: Battle Fatigue

I'm tired of the fighting. He's tired of the fighting.

Deconstructing An Addict - Part 1: Boot Camp

I have titled this blog Deconstructing An Addict - Part 1: Boot Camp.

In a move very unlike me, I have no idea how many parts there are or what Part 2 is or when I will write it. Look at me! I'm letting go of my control issues! :)

On to the post...
My husband and I will periodically make a comment that he is "broken".

Great Article

Here is a great article. Read it here.

Absence

I haven't posted in awhile. For multiple reasons I guess. I've had company in my home and my days are busier, but it's also been a little because I haven't felt like it. Life is better in some ways, which has reduced my need for my online community of sisters, but I also felt a little distanced from that same community. Some minor things happened which highlighted that my situation is different from most wives in our world. Yes, I know we all have our own stories, but I've never read anything close to my particular circumstances. Now, in some ways my circumstances are better, so I'm not complaining about that, I just don't seem to really connect with any of the stories I read. There are similarities of course.

Anyway, I wanted to share some things that have helped me. I just finished and then started again a great book called, "Dr. Bridell's Logical and Rational & Poetic and Beautiful Completely Guaranteed Eat-Half Diet for All Your Appetites".  It is amazing. It has nothing to do with pornography addiction, but he mentions addiction once or twice.

As wives of addicts we are caretakers. Many of us are mothers. These things usually result in us not taking very good care of ourselves. This book provides a simple pattern for how you can do that.

I also just started Brad Wilcox's new book, "The 7-Day Christian". I've read the forward and the first chapter and I love it. Again, simple concepts that strike deeply. Most of us have struggled with a crisis of faith at some point in our lives. So far, this book give you some thoughts about how to deal with that.  Again, I'm only one chapter in....  but I love Brad Wilcox.

I hope your summer is going well sisters.
Much love,
Patience

Faith in the Small Things

I had lunch with my best girlfriend a few days ago. Our lives are actually on very similar paths.  I was murmuring to her about some of my day to day issues and we ate and chatted for an hour. Towards the end we got to talking about my family. My family seems to be often greatly affected by the death of a loved one, particularly my Dad. I was telling my friend how, while I don't like to be surprised by death, I seem to handle it better than the rest of my family. I think they all believe in Heaven and an afterlife of some sort, but it's kind of fuzzy to them. Since I have the Gospel in my life, I have a much better understanding of what is to come and death doesn't scare me. I actually look forward to it in a healthy way.

I was telling my friend this and then I epiph'ed....(I know that's not a word, but I like it!).  After murmuring about daily life for an hour or so, and then having this conversation about death, I looked at her and said, "Wow, I seem to have faith in the big things, but not the little things..."  I would like to ponder on this new understanding of myself for a bit and see what I can learn from it.

I know I get too stressed out about the little things in life and even the moderate things in life. I need to remember that everything is in Heavenly Father's hands. My husband's addiction, my family who I don't get to see and help take care of on a regular basis, the sunshine or rain on my garden - all of it is given its due attention and care, but also its due weight. Sometimes I weight things more heavily than they deserve.

One of my favorite scriptures for perspective is, "...it mattereth not...". This appears a few times in Doctrine and Covenants and shows that sometimes we are over-thinking things that just don't matter in the long run.

So I will try to find that balance of having faith in the little things that matter, and letting things that don't matter take care of themselves.

Full Circle

My husband and I went to an LDS Addiction Recovery group a couple weeks ago.

Seminar Friday May 16th

This Friday, May 16th Addo Recovery will hold a webinar educating about the trauma of spouses and loved ones.  

Register Here

Resources

I seem to have less time to write lately, so I'm not sure I will keep up the 3 times a week pace.

I would like to highlight an awesome resource. There are LOTS of blogs out there!

This one is great because it is a compilation of blogs:

http://ldsaddictionrecoveryblogs.blogspot.com/

I applied to get mine on there, but so far, no luck.

Love you all!

The Boundaries - Another Autism Analogy

I am referring to another blog again today. I am finding so many wonderful things shared by others, and I love to pass things along that inspire or help me, so I hope you will enjoy!

This is a post from autism-mom on boundaries called, Pushing the Envelope.

Nature Abhors A Vacuum

Pooh said it best, "think, think, think..."

Credit

FYI - Conference in SLC May 10th

This looks like a great conference for this weekend:

SA Lifeline Conference

Extinction Bursts

I am sending you to another blog today with permission from the author.  I read this entry this weekend and was very impressed. I love gaining knowledge that helps me to think more objectively and logically rather than reacting emotionally. This is one of those posts.

The blog is Finding My True Identity and the post is Extinction Bursts.

I found this blog, and many others, on LDS Addiction Recovery Blogs. This is an awesome resource with blogs from loved ones as well as addicts.

Have a great day ladies!

Lose Your Life

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; 

but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, 

the same shall save it."

-Mark 8:35

Bring To Your Remembrance

I need to remember to not put all my eggs in today's basket. 

You are Not Alone - Repost

I don't have anything prepared for today, so here is a re-post from last year. Have a great day!

We all feel it at times. We are alone in our pain. No one knows what our life is like.

Honestly, that is what each person's life is like. A cancer victim might find kindred spirits that also suffer from this horrible disease, but their pain is their own. Their journey is their own. There's a catchy quote that circulates around the internet which says something like, "Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."  

Empathy and The Autism Analogy

I have found myself experiencing a lot of empathy lately.

The Definition of a Good Marriage

There isn't one definition.

The Reason For The Hope That Is In You

Credit

It Is Finished

Good Friday.

Holy Thursday

Tomorrow is Holy Thursday.

Holy Week

I was raised Catholic.

His Story

I just read a blog written by a young man with this addiction. It is a really good perspective from the addict's point of view and I highly recommend it.

What struck me most about his experience is the negative self talk that Satan can put into our minds.

True Power

I would like to address a sensitive topic.

We Are Surrounded

Do you ever ask yourself "why me?"

Therefore Get Wisdom

Ahhhh.....

Arm Yourself With Knowledge

I am not feeling well today, so I'm going to cheat a little bit and give you a video to watch. This is a very good talk by Donald Hilton on the effects of addiction on the brain. It will help to educate you. I find that learning objectively about addiction helps me to not take my husband's choices too personally. This is well said and easy to understand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ADYe5w75yk

Have a good day sisters!

Keep the Lower Lights Burning

This post is a direct re-posting of Music & The Spoken Word, Episode 4409, which aired on March 16, 2014. I found it inspiring and humbling.

Dig In

"Good timber does not grow with ease,

The stronger wind, the stronger trees.

The further sky, the greater length....
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow."
-Douglas Malloch

There Is Beauty All Around

The other day, out of the blue, my husband asked me a question.

Being a Caregiver

Do you know that you are a full time caregiver?

To Thine Own Self Be True – Part 4: Quo Vadimus?

The other day, my husband lamented our aging. I said, "It just doesn't bother me because I'm always looking forward, I want what the future will bring."

To Thine Own Self Be True – Part 3: The Daily Grind

Who are you today?

To Thine Own Self Be True – Part 2: In the beginning…

In Part 1, Trials and Talents, we talked about the overall plan. Now let's get down to some details.

To Thine Own Self Be True – Part 1: Trials and Talents

As part of my own process, I am trying to know myself better. I will spend the next few posts talking about getting to know ourselves as women and as daughters of Heavenly Father. My goal is to help and strengthen you, the wives. Your husbands need you at your healthiest and YOU need you at your healthiest. The daily grind will wear us down if we don’t build ourselves up.

Suffer the Children

My plea...

Ye Shall Find Rest Unto Your Souls

Sometimes I have a picture in my mind of dragging myself across life's finish line, only to fall at Heavenly Father's feet and gasp, "...I'm here, I did it..."  

We Can Do It

Photo Credit: en.wikipedia.org

By Small And Simple Things...

As my husband goes through this incredibly difficult process, I need to look for every tiny way to appreciate his efforts and his progress. 

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Towards the end of last year, I sensed what might be coming for us this year and I warned my husband that we were entering a very rough time. I am telling him now that it's going to get worse before it gets better. 

In the Eye of the Storm - Part 3: Cow

I’d like to tie up my “In the Eye of the Storm” series today.

Does anyone remember the movie “Twister”?  There is a scene where they are driving through the core of the storm and a cow flies by. Helen Hunt simply says “Cow”.   

In the Eye of the Storm - Part 2: Becoming a Peripheral Visionary

I’ve been really angry a lot lately.

I have promised my husband to not get mad when he "stumbles" and I think for the most part, I have done really well. Somehow I have been blessed in this way. I'm not even entirely sure why, but I'll take it.  

For the last several months

In the Eye of the Storm - Part 1: The Ole Switcheroo….

I'm a thinker. I'm an over-thinker, really. And it's occurred to me that what started for my husband as curiosity and adolescent hormones became the center of his life. It created symptoms and consequences of this behavior which have formed his personality for the last 30 years.

A New Hope

My dear sisters,

I know that there are some of you out there now who are reading this. I am so grateful for that. Writing these blogs is quite therapeutic for me, but it lightens my spirit to hope that it is helping some of you as well. I've set comments to allow for anonymous comments, but I can understand

Give Us This Day

Some days it's just about getting through the day.

My prayers of late have been a lot of this:

The Long and Winding Road

Perhaps one of the most difficult things for us as the wives, is to get our hopes up. We know from scripture that hope is critical, even commanded. 

“Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity.” 

– Moroni 10:20

“…this is written: that he that ploweth should plow in hope; and that he that thresheth in hope should be partaker of his hope.” 

– 1 Corinthians 9:10

But are we setting ourselves up for additional pain? 

If a blog posts in a forest....

It has been several months since I've written. Mostly because I don't think anyone is reading at this time. I have been unsure how to promote a blog and still remain anonymous. I have some thoughts to reach out to resources that may help, and if you have any ideas to promote this blog, I welcome them. Emails can be sent to patienceofhope@gmail.com. I am also still attempting to test the anonymity of my process here, so I welcome any insight on protecting me and my family while still providing what I feel is an important tool for women who struggle with this issue. While I work through these issues I will remain,  patient in hope.